It was not serendipity…

So Ben. That guy that almost ran my friend and I over the other night that I wrote about previously… Yup, went out with him…

Ben texted me Thursday saying, “I know it’s short notice, but would you be up for dinner tonight?” I was with another friend and we were just wrapping up lunch and I thought, “Why not?” I replied, “I would love too!” We then proceeded to make plans to meet at 7pm at a nearby restaurant.

To be honest, I was excited. Usually I have a few days to convince myself that a first date would be a bad idea and that I should just cancel. But this time, I just had a few hours to dwell and not a lot of time to convince myself that this would be a horrible experience.

I arrived promptly at 7pm and we were seated right away. There was no awkwardness. We were laughing and talking and having a great time asking each about work, friends, family, etc. He seemed down to earth and normal and not too crazy. For dessert, we split a slice of cheesecake. Super cute, I know.

But wait for it…

Right as I’m having my last bite of cheesecake, Ben drops a bomb… “I’m in a relationship.”

I would have loved to see what my face looked like at this point.

First awkward pause of the night…

He then goes on to explain that he wanted to be honest with me. He’s been in a relationship for 5 years that he is very happy with (obviously not) but that he had such a great time with me that he wanted to also see me and asked if I would be ok with that. As he is explaining this to me, he gets more and more nervous and less smiley because obviously this is not going as he hoped.

Again, I would have loved to see what my face looked like as he is telling me all this.

Another awkward pause as he waits for me to respond.

My first question to him was, “If you are in a relationship, why did you come find me at the bar?” My mind is thinking that he really is either unhappy, or he does this sort of thing all the time.

His response was that he hadn’t ever done anything like that before, and he had thought he would just sit down for one drink and say “hi” and leave, but that we connected so well that he didn’t want to leave and wanted to get to know me more…

My next question: “Does your girlfriend know that you’re out with me right now?”

He looks down, gets super nervous and responds, “Well… no.”

I’ve had enough at this point. I told him that I wouldn’t be okay with this at all. He replied that he understood but to call him if I changed my mind. He paid for dinner and walked me to my car. At my car he tried to hug me but I just put my hand out to shake his hand and thanked him for dinner and said good night.

This whole story makes me laugh! Of all the baggage he could have dropped, him being in a relationship was the last thing I would have expected him to say. At least he was upfront about it. It does make for a good story that me and my girlfriends can laugh about!

The next day, I received a text from him. He said, “I had a really wonderful time with you last night. Please keep in touch and let me know if you change your mind.”

I can promise you I won’t.

Advertisements

Serendipity… or just coincidence?

The other night, my friend and I met up for happy hour. On a side note, our happy hours always tend to begin around 5:30pm and last until sometimes 8 or 9 in the morning the next day. This particular night, after a pretty tame evening of pre dinner drinks, sushi, and venting about the then boyfriend, we left the sushi restaurant on a mission to find our favorite nearby Irish pub. Now normally, two tipsy blonde 24 year olds running around downtown streets at 10pm doesn’t lead to many stories in it’s self, but that particular night, a story was to be had because we got a little lost on the hunt for the place we had been to many times prior.

A little lost, M and I thought we needed to cross the street. The cross walk signal said not to walk… but there were no cars… so we didn’t follow the warning and we dashed out across the street. As we crossed the street, a car came driving down the street and honked at us as we were running out in the middle of the street. We turned, smiled, and waved at the driver and he waved back and drove around us. When we had turned to wave at the driver, we saw that the bar we were looking for was on the side of the street we were just on and we hadn’t needed to cross the street (blonde moment number 14 for the day)! We didn’t give the car another thought. We quickly recrossed the street. Once at our destination, we found a table and ordered our drinks and started listening to the wonderful live acoustic band.

About 20 minutes into our stay at this bar, M went to the restroom. I was enjoying the music when out of the corner of my eye, I saw a guy walk into the bar. He was looking around like he is looking for someone so I didn’t give it another thought. A few minutes later, I noticed him again because he was standing by my table and staring at the TV screen like he was interested in the college football game playing. But his eyes keep shifting over to my table and quickly back to the TV. I made eye contact with him. Once he saw me staring at him, he walked over and asked, “By chance, did you a little bit ago, wave at a car in the street?”

I was speechless. Not what I expected. I stutter out “Yes!” The boy smiles, “That was me. I’m Ben. Can I buy you a drink?” Me, laughing, “Yes!” He sat down. I didn’t know if I should be creeped out or flattered that this boy had searched through four other bars before finding the right bar my friend and I were at. It took a lot of guts for him to do that.

Ben and I proceed to talk and listen to the band for the next two hours. At the end of the night, as we were walking out of the bar, Ben and I stood awkwardly outside in the freezing cold and I just smiled up at him because I wasn’t going to make it easy for him. After an awkward pause, he asked for my number and I gave it to him. The next day he texted me asking me to go out with him once he was back in town from his business trip. I said yes.

The funny thing about this story is that my friend and I didn’t actually have to cross the street that night. Was it fate or just a coincidence and we just happened to be in the right place at the right time being slightly lost? I don’t know if I even believe in fate, but I joke with my girlfriends that I had a serendipitous moment with this guy. We’ll see if it goes anywhere. I’ll keep you posted!

New Year

Happy New Year! (I’m definitely a little late in saying this)

Time for the annual, obligatory reflection on the meaning of life and relationships… I’ll try and keep it brief. This will probably give you some insight into my past and how it’s made me who I am today.

A friend recently posted a quote as her Facebook status and I can’t seem to get it out of my head. The quote was “forgiveness is letting go of the hope for a better past”. Many people are quoted saying this, so I can’t find who the original was, but nonetheless, this is one of the truest things I have ever read in my entire life. It completely explains why it is so difficult to forgive without letting go of wanting a different outcome.

I’m sure this needs some explanation as to why this quote has stuck with me.

Many years ago (I know this sounds like it aging me, but I am actually only 24) I dated someone. We were together for 7 years (For those of you doing the math, I’ll do you a favor. We were together from the time I was 15 till I was 22. Very young I know, and we’ll debate about the proper age teenagers should be allowed to begin to date at a later date, and believe me I have strong opinions.). Without a doubt, he and I were in love.

Long story short, the last two years of our relationship, we weren’t living in the same country. During that time apart, we didn’t appreciate each other and we realized that we hadn’t really appreciated the other for a long time prior to our separation.  We hadn’t in our minds let the other person grow and change during the 7 years, and when we realized the other person had changed, we both acted out to hurt the other for changing, even though we both knew it’s a natural part of life. We eventually realized what we both were doing, but two years of treating each other horribly had taken it’s tole. The last 4 months of our relationship, once we were both back in the same location, we tried to get past the hurt and pain, but the deeper realization came that we were different people than who we were when we first met when we first fell in love and there was too much hurt and distrust that the foundation of our relationship, no matter how much we loved each other, was broken. One month before we graduated college, we broke up.

It hurt. No matter how right it was to end it, it wasn’t a comforting thought. It’s been a long two and a half years of looking back and regretting things we both did and asking ourselves “what if?”.

About 6 months ago, I realized I hadn’t forgiven him. I hadn’t forgiven him for taking me for granted and lying to me for years and for taking away a future I had grown to depend on. I also hadn’t forgiven myself for letting our relationship fall apart. I still hadn’t let our past go so I wasn’t able to move on. Once I realized that, it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I thought I was never going to be able to move on. But slowly, once I made the choice to forgive, everyday it got a little less sad and I was a little less angry and I wasn’t thinking about the lost relationship everyday. Now, while I’m not 100% yet, I feel like a new person because I know I am truely moving on and am letting the past go and no longer faking it (my friends tell me I wasn’t faking it well).

I think the earlier quote are “words of wisdom” that are applicable to all people. We all get hurt, make decisions for good or for worse, choose to trust wrongly, put our faith in something that seems right but not, always with the hope for the best outcome. What we hope for the most sometimes doesn’t happen…

This happens with love to. You love somebody and they love you, but it just doesn’t work out no matter how much you want it too. You hurt the one you love and/or they hurt you.  At some point you need to let go of the hurt, and forgive, and accept that what you hoped for will never happen.  Accepting that it’s really over, it’s not easy. Letting go of a past relationship I was in for seven years, has been a long process, and has been holding me back from loving and accepting myself.

2012, to put in the simplest way, was a rebuilding year for me to say the least. I finally got myself to begin to deal with ALOT of things that I have needed to face.

I’m not super into setting a stereotypical New Years resolution. I don’t think I’ve ever made a New Years resolution that I’ve ever kept. So this year, I’m not going to make one. This past year, I’ve been learning to love myself. I’m going to make a promise to myself to to continue that trend!

I wish you all a happy New Year!

Here ends the obligatory beginning of the new year life reflection.  

Black Friday

This was probably the first year that I’m not working on Black Friday. I am currently transitioning between jobs. I gave my two weeks notice, (was asked to not come back to the store after I gave notice since I’m going to a direct competitor) and have basically had two weeks paid vacation. This year I have gotten to spend an actual holiday with my family who lives 1,500 miles from me (I say away from me, but I really moved away from them). The past two Thanksgivings, I was working, and three years ago I was in Hong Kong for Thanksgiving (I’ll explain more about that on a later date) and once again, haven’t spent Christmas with family in three years as well (working once again and also one Christmas is South Korea). So of course, I took the opportunity to spend an actual holiday with my brother and parents.

But I digress.

Black Friday.

Normally, I’ve been on the other side. I’ve helped the sleep deprived customer shop at midnight, doing my best to be all smiley and friendly while the customer runs past looking for the best deal. This year, I was excited that I could be the customer for my first and probably last time. And wouldn’t you know, stores now open on Thanksgiving! You have to wonder what is going to happen next year? What is becoming of Thanksgiving? It’s the day you give thanks for all you have and then you run out, shove past others to get more.

I admit I did go out at 8pm on Thanksgiving to my local Target. It was pretty impressive. Target opened at 9pm and when I arrived to line up a few minutes prior to the opening, there was already about 1,500 people in line, ready to shop, and another 1000 people lined up behind me. It took a whole 15 minutes before I could even enter Target after it was opened. I really wasn’t looking for anything in particular; I just more wanted to experience the craziness. And it was crazy! Piles of HDTVs, DVDs, blankets, KitchenAid Mixers and much were just left in the isles, ripe for the picking out. People were rushing past to snap them all up. I get it. It’s a great deal, and you get to save money, but it’s a mad house just to save.

Don’t get me wrong, I am very appreciative of all the people who run out and shop, it keeps me with a paycheck. But you have to wonder, when is it too much? Next year, are stores going to open at noon on Thanksgiving? Or just stay open all day on Thanksgiving? Better yet, let’s forgo spending time with family on Thanksgiving at all and open stores at midnight on Thanksgiving! It’ll be interesting to see what happens in the years to come and if and where the line gets drawn.

“When in doubt, choose change.”

This week, I quit my job.

This may not seem like a big deal, but I have never quit a job before, so this is a big freaking deal for me! I have worked for the same company for over 4 years. I love the people. My co-workers are awesome and it’s going to be hard not seeing them everyday.

About a month ago, I was contacted by a recruiter from another company, saying they had heard great things about me and were asking if I’d be interested in interviewing for a position within their company. I honestly didn’t take it very seriously when I said yes that’d I’d interview. I only thought it would be great networking and a good opportunity to freshen up on my interviewing skills. A month ago, I couldn’t imagine ever leaving my work family. But, the interviews went so well and I really liked the people I spoke with, especially the woman who would be my new boss if I got the position. But, I still didn’t take it seriously because it was would be a huge promotion for me and I didn’t think I had enough experience that would make me qualified. So I didn’t get my hopes up.

But… last Thursday, I got the call and got the offer. And when I did receive the offer, it just felt right. And I was excited.

Things in my old job had been changing a lot. My bosses were new. I didn’t really have a problem with them, just the one woman. And she made me question the integrity of the company I had poured my heart and soul into for four years. I’m an incredibly loyal person, but for this woman to trash talk my co-workers to me when she didn’t even know me or my co-workers, and she was supposed to be a woman who was supposed to lead us and I was supposed to learn from, I couldn’t respect that behavior or her or the company that put her in her position.

Maybe I could have waited out this horrible woman (I really don’t think she is going to last long). Maybe I could have taken a promotion within that company when it came. But part of me really thinks this new opportuinty came at a time when I was really doubting what I was doing and needed a change. Regardless, I’m excited and ready to start something new, but I’m going to miss the people, and the team I was in charge of. They are great individuals who taught me tons, and I will miss seeing them everyday.

On the bright side, for the first time in four years, I will get to spend Thanksgiving with my family since I won’t be working Black Friday! I, for once, will get to be the customer!

 

Blonde means slut? Did I miss something?

Being blonde does not make oneself a slut right? Or did I miss the picture of a blonde in the dictionary under the definition blonde? I’m a blonde. Well… honestly, almost a natural blonde. I keep my hair color a lot lighter than my natural dark blonde by choice. But I’m a blonde, especially at heart, having at least three or more blonde moments a day, but I never really considered myself a slut.

About a year ago, I decided to deviate for fun and curiosity from my normal partial foil at my hair salon, and opted to become a brunette with a hint of red.  Sadly, almost instantaneously, during both work and play, I was completely treated differently… not in a bad way though. I was treated much more seriously at work and people’s respect whether customer, peer, foe, or boss, went up. I don’t think my personality or how I conducted myself changed (at least I wasn’t aware of it). The thing that hit me the most though, was that when I was out at the bar and hit on by a random guy, I was being asked out on dates rather than being propositioned for a single one night of heated passion under the sheets with a complete stranger (A.K.A one-night-stand if you were wondering) like I had been as a blonde. I felt like the boys really wanted to connect with me on a deeper level other than just sex when I was sporting my darker locks. Now, I’m back to blonde, and it’s just way more me. I’ve been blonde at heart and in color for 23.5 years out of my 24 years on earth and that’s not something you can just change with a box of dye. I know we women are not supposed to be superficial or “into our looks” but honestly, I just feel prettier as a blonde and have more confidence and was glad to leave my “dark days” behind.

Don’t get me wrong with my rant about blondes being stereotyped as sluts. I probably fall into the definition of a slut. I’m not some prude. I love sex. I don’t have a problem with it. I don’t think there is anything wrong with a one-night-stand every now and then (just be safe). In fact, I think they are absolutely necessary sometimes for men and women and I’ve had my share (stories to come someday soon about my days on the rebound from my ex who I was with for 7 years…there’s some funny ones). But, my question is, why does simply being blonde automatically make a girl seem easy or not as intelligent as a brunette? We blondes are more than looks and a vagina. But, what do I know? After all I am a blonde!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A little perspective…

The other day at work, my coworkers and I were sitting down for a meeting. We were digging into the delicious cupcakes, piled high with hot pink whipped cream frosting a coworker had brought me (it had been my birthday the previous day) when my favorite person there, he looked over at me and smiled and said “I really want to shove this in your face right now!” My response was “Then do it!”. I honestly didn’t think he actually would, but there he went and shoved all that pink sugary frosting right into my face!

I just laughed! Probably harder than I’ve laughed in the past two years.

I didn’t know it, but I needed that. I needed perspective. I needed to be reminded that even though there is so much going on in my life right now that is so serious, it’s still important to laugh and be silly and how important friends are! Everyone has a times gotten too caught up in the everyday life and forgotten to just laugh.

cupcake.jpg

Revenge will be oh so sweet!